Joseph Rodriguez “Gego”
September 12, 2025
26 Comments
Talking to Children
Talking to children about death is one of the hardest conversations a parent or caregiver can face. Whether it’s the loss of a grandparent, a pet, or someone close, kids process death differently based on their age and development. While your instinct may be to shield them from pain, open and honest communication builds trust and emotional resilience. This guide offers expert advice on how to talk to children about death in a way that’s loving, clear, and supportive.
Children’s understanding of death evolves as they grow. Knowing what’s developmentally appropriate helps you guide the conversation with sensitivity.
Infants and Toddlers (0–2 years):
They don’t understand death, but they sense changes in routines, caregivers’ moods, and absence of familiar faces.
Preschoolers (3–5 years):
May see death as reversible or temporary. They often engage in magical thinking and may believe they caused the death by being “bad.”
Children (6–9 years):
Begin to grasp that death is final, though they may still personalize it. They might believe that death is avoidable if you’re “good.”
Tweens and Teens (10–18 years):
Understand the permanence and universality of death. They may process it more abstractly, hiding emotions or expressing grief through behavior changes.
Phrases like “gone to sleep” or “passed on” can confuse children or create fear around sleep. Use words like “died” and “death” to be clear and prevent misunderstandings.
Answer only what they ask, then pause. Let them guide the depth of the conversation. Children often return to the topic later with new questions. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” when you’re unsure.
Toddlers: Clinginess, changes in sleep or eating, more tantrums.
Preschoolers: Repetitive questions about death, play-acting scenarios.
School-Aged Children: Nightmares, behavioral issues, concern about other loved ones dying.
Teens: Withdrawal, anger, risky behaviors, hiding emotions.
If a child shows signs of prolonged anxiety, depression, self-harm, or extreme changes in behavior that persist beyond a few months, a licensed grief counselor or therapist may be needed.
Let children express themselves through drawing, music, or storytelling. Grief doesn’t always come out in words—creative outlets can be powerful tools.
Keeping daily routines intact provides stability. Reassure children they are loved, safe, and supported.
If your family has spiritual beliefs or cultural rituals, these can bring meaning and comfort. Talk about what your traditions say about life and death, and allow the child to participate.
As soon as possible after the death occurs. Delaying the conversation may increase confusion or fear.
Yes, if they want to and are prepared. Explain what will happen and let them choose whether to go.
Answer honestly, in simple terms: “Yes, everyone dies someday, but most people live for a very long time.”
Let them know it’s okay to talk about anything. Answer calmly, and don’t dismiss or change the subject.
If your family has beliefs, it’s okay to share them. Balance them with the concrete reality of death to avoid confusion.